$9.00 for a smoked salmon sandwhich--pthd, what the bonkers are the salmon made of? Platinum?

$9.00 for a salmon sandwich with cucumbers is bonkers. Right? like... it's flippin' fish... and cucumber, which barely qualifies as a real vegetable because it has almost zero nutritional (I just spent two minutes trying to figure out how to spell that, coffee needs to kick in) value. The bread is hearty though... I will give them that.

Whao, the Swan Lake we just saw was nothing like The Swan Princess movie which was inspired by the traditional telling of Swan Lake the ballet

Earlier tonight Josh and I got into our fancy clothes and went to the ballet--we are sophisticated adults!
The ballet we saw was Swan Lake, directed by Matthew Bourne. I was not familiar with the story of Swan Lake before this experience, so now I feel very caught up on another culture thing. I must say, Swan Lake is one flippin' tragic tale of a prince's coming out at his mother gala, which ends in his institutionalization and ultimate death... oh yeah, and the hooker that tried to save him from the swan dies, too. Tchaikovsky, you have some serious emotional business to take care of.
For those of you not familiar with the story--those of you still uncultured like I was four hours ago--let me summarize the tale while it is still fresh in my memory.
There is a prince who has a very strained relationship with his mother. One day the prince meets an attention-hungry, money-grubbing, unrefined wench. The queen disapproves of her gauche behavior at the opera and tells the prince that he should not see her anymore. The prince gets drunk and heads out to a club where he finds out that his ladyfriend is a hooker. On the miserable walk home, the prince stops at a park where he runs into a bevy of swans. He falls in love with the man-swan and they dance together--or had sex, so hard to tell when expressed in dance (what is this? charades?). The swan-man allows the prince to caress his lanuginous thighs and twirl with the other swans in all sorts of interpretive manners (so I assume they have sex... or some intense foreplay). So... on the night of the queen's gala--it gets good--the man-swan that the prince is in love with drops by BUT the man-swan is dressed like a suave man-man. The man-swan dressed like a man-man seduces the queen, which enrages the prince. The prince tries to seduce the man-swan back but only succeeds in getting the hooker shot and drawing attention to his very public and unplanned coming out... what?! YES! Anyways... the prince is then institutionalized and administered ECT. The man-swan comes back with his other man-swan friends. They and the prince dance some more... I don't know what happens in between the jumping and the spinning... but the prince dies, okay? Queen comes in and is all like, "what?!" The end.
All in all it was a good performance.
Josh and I later went out to A Voce for drinks. It is fun to go out with boyfriend!

No Halloween.

Okay--So every year my enthusiasm for finding the right Halloween costume goes something like this (refer to table).











As you can see my enthusiasm has dropped dramatically. Originally, I had wanted to go as a bag of Crunchitos (the off brand "organic" cheetos). I would have had to go out and buy a bunch of felt. This would have cost me over $25 and hours of my time (going to the garment district, returning home, cutting, sewing, screwing up, calling do-over, going back to the garment district...)! No thank you, sir. So... I am going to be lazy again this year and go out and buy some mouse ears and paint whiskers on my face and maybe pin a stuffed sock to my butt and say I am a chinchilla. I will probably look something like this:

This was originally a picture of me after finals.... I still look like this.

This dog is a thief.

It is Sunday morning and I am too lazy to get out of bed and do work like I said I would last night with glowing drunk ambition.
Instead, I went on Criag's list to read misconnections and look at the pictures of pets that people are trying to get rid of (if you are in the NYC area there is a one-eyed gray kitten that is really cute in a sad one-eyed kitten sort of way). I only wanted to look at cats, kittens, rodents, and reptiles. However, there was an ad for a shih tzu. I thought to myself, "a lot of people talk about these things... what the bonkers do they look like?" I opened up the image... "oh, gross, why do people want these things?" AND THEN I noticed its barrette. So familiar... Holy crap weasels! That barrette is MINE! That motherflippin' shih tzu stole my red cat playing a banjo barrette! I had lost it months ago... So, I need someone to adopt that dog so I can get my barrette back. It is very important and has immense sentimental value because my good friends had stolen it for me when they did not want to stand in the long line at Target the day before Halloween. Please, whether you adopt this thief or run into it on the street one day... tell it to give me back my motherflippin' barrette or just yank it off and mail it back to me... My cat playing a banjo barrette does not belong on a shih tzu.

I got a Follower!!!!

It is 8:08pm and very close to snack time... wait... "Josh, are you wanting dinner?... or... what? right. So... do you want snack? I want snack." Congratulations to Cathy Madeo! She's my first follower! Thank you Cathy!!! From all the people here at This-Is-Bonkers... You are super cool. This is my earnest attempt at capturing her hip style and classic beauty on the computer art program... She is holding an iphone.

When I am older am I going to drink soda out of a can with a straw like my grandmother?

Well, am I?

Today I have just been peeing like a broken person. I figure that if I drink a lot of fluids all the crap I ate today will flush out of my system before all the calories have the chance to absorb into my body and turn into fat pockets which I will have to work off... but who has the time? I spend most of my day slouching in a chair and crossing my legs. This equals: fat butt and scoliosis or something. I realized that Chipotle is a flippin liar is what it is... so at the 'restaurant' there is a calorie count next to each item... my item's estimate was like 400 more or less... uh, no. I went on the Chipotle website to use the calorie calculator just because I was curious and did not want to do my work. Surprise. No... the total calories was 900. Eek. So... I am peeing it out like a champ. I don't really think it works this way. I am in it for the placebo effect... no I really don't think it works this way either... I don't know.

Bleh

Today is Tuesday, which means research day. One of my subjects told me I look like Wendy Williams because I wore high heels--I like to think I remind him of Wendy Williams because of my flair. My research site had a Ripley's special edition book. I convinced one of my subjects that that was the book he wanted to read for his free time. When I brought the book to the table for him I told him to read it to me. He did not want to read the Ripley's book, so I took it and looked at the pictures and only read the captions of interesting pictures. There is a guy in Coronado who froze his grandfather. The grandfather had a blue face and blacked out eyes and a Cosby sweater. I tried to engage my subject by showing him the pictures of all the different people who were naturally mummified in the dirt (or wherever it was that nature had its way--I did not read many of these captions). The two-faced cat comes up in every edition...
This morning my agent told me that one of our prospective editors got laid off... leaving only 3 left in the second round. Not so good for Catherine Tan. Anyways... I ate a cheddar and tomato sandwich for lunch and a croissant for second lunch.
Tonight is the night for Hoarders. I am looking forward to this.

I need a theme

I realize that this blog does not have a theme or topic of interest. I need one.
Anyhow, today I spilled tea on my field notes... and yes, this is bonkers because my hand writing is hardly legible to begin with.
Tonight I am going to go home and pull down the projector screen and watch an all new episode of Hoarders on www.aetv.com. Hoarders is a great television show that I watch. While one might think it is just about cats and poop, it is so much more than that. It is about spectacle! America! Exploitation! Surprises! Plot twists! Child protection! Family drama! and love.
Hoarders... tonight... I am going to watch the crap out of you. I am also going to watch the crap within your nasty home--TWIST!