You, Me, and Takeshi

Well, dear Josh, my new boyfriend, Takeshi, and I are letting you into our love line segment so we can form a love triangle. These winter holidays times are rough, and so, not to have pity or anything sentimental like that, I am letting you back into my entourage. Will things ever be the same? Probably not. I mean, just look at what the three of us did to the traditional valentine heart-shape:

But, you know, whatever.
Here is a montage of our happy times:

Yep.
 

Dear Josh, I am leaving you for a gentleman who creates aliens and deformed babies for a living

My Dearest Josh...
I am leaving you for Takeshi Yamada because he is a great artist and you are an astrologer. He makes molds of alien heads and models of deformed babies from his own skin and hair, and has stuffed a rabbit with a mermaid tail. He also teaches painting in Chelsea. You cheat at scrabble. He wears a suit and mardi gras beads everyday and everywhere. He lives in Coney Island, which is like the St. Barts of New York. He is charming and 26 years my senior. We are adorable together:

Anyways, it has been fun. We've had good times--like last weekend when we went to Target and took a gypsy cab back home. I hope you understand why I am picking Takeshi over you.

Don't worry. I will make us both fat.

As some of you may know, Josh says some pretty stupid things like, "I do not put dressing on my salad", and "Catherine, macaroni and cheese from a box is not healthy", and "they don't carry the kind of yogurt I eat." Well, here is how I feel about it:

In the past year or so, I have overcompensated in an attempt to redeem myself from the obnoxious health-food-poseur lifestyle I once took so much pride in. Not too long ago, while chain smoking in college and standing up for animal rights, I use to say stuff like: "oh, there is cheese in here? Oh, no, I cannot eat that. I am vegan", and "it's organic!" and "quinoa". I am not sure what happened between then and now, but I have become a human garbage disposal and am slowly taking down my boyfriend with me.
For example, yesterday, while at Target I got tired from picking out ornaments and toilet paper, so I bought a delicious child's Red Icee. The consistency was perfect. Josh would never get off his high salad horse to order one for himself. However, after I purchased one he drank almost half! While he will never admit to liking it... I know he enjoyed every last corn syrup drop of the slush. He always "samples" the foods that he typically dismisses as "gross" when these things are on my plate. Sometimes he will groan about how terrible something is while eating the very item. I take great satisfaction in these moments.

Once home, I wanted to go to McDonald's because they were giving away Sanrio digital watches in the happy meals (I have always wanted a wrist watch!). Yep, Target and McDonald's in the same day, we are America! Josh gallantly volunteered  to eat my French fries and save me from the disaster that I was setting up for my digestive track.

Although he grimaced in each bite... looking into his eyes I saw a gleam more glittery than the ornaments we purchased the hour prior. Go on and continue eating your healthful foods, Joshy... I will slowly show you the dark side.