My Charmed New England Life: Too Much Nature. Gross.

New England, the birthplace of witches, lobster, Fall-time trees, and deadly animals. I kind of get to live here! yay... Moving beyond the ghosts and rats that live in my walls, there is way too much nature out here and someone should do something about this problem. Nature is freakin' everywhere and I can't seem to get rid of it--there is only so much of it I can eat. While the rats and ghosts may just be ontologically real, the family of centipedes living in my bathroom sink is materially for-realz-for-realz. Centipedes live in my sink tubes and at night they crawl out, staying in the basin until morning. They scare the crap out of me, so before I go to bed I close the bathroom drain to avoid this:

My campus seems to be filled with the nature as well. The other day a gaggle of geese (gaggle, right? Bevy? Eh) landed in front of the athletics center. I wanted to chase them, but I had to save all of my running energy for the elliptical. Prior to the geese encounter, I saw a HAWK! SQUAWK! It was raining out or something and from the graduate lounge window I saw a beautiful hawk the size of a three-year-old human. It was just chillin' on the lawn like, "eh... no big deal. I'm just a hawk chillin'". I tried to exhort my peers to share the enthusiasm, to absorb the glory of this magnificent bird--no, just kidding, I tried to get them to come outside to watch me chase it. Only one friend followed me out. The hawk was even more enchanting without a glass window dividing us. I felt such a connection to it. It was my spirit animal, my Hedwig.

I debated whether or not to chase it. After all, it was a pretty flippin' large bird with talons and a beak. Before I was able to make up my mind

it kind of flew at me and I grabbed a girl with crutches to use her body as a shield (I learned how to do this in Civil War reenactment games during 7th grade). Yup, I am a terrible person. Thankfully, the hawk decided to land in a tree instead of my face. All was well again in my charmed New England life.
Next time I decide to chase a large bird I am going to chase a turkey because... YES there are wild turkeys that roam free around New England! They are bigger than hawks.

I asked one of my new school friends if it would be possible to have her drive me around town so I can hunt turkeys from the passenger seat. She said no. Well, until I can find a gamely person with a car, I am going to enjoy the taste of New England nature the legal way.

How to Ride a Bus

My double life between Boston and New York has taught me many things about riding a bus successfully... dominantly... strategically. The 4.25-hour trip sounds tremendously long because it is, so I have a few tricks to optimize my chances of a double-front-seater trip. First, I signed up for Bolt Bus rewards, which ensures me Class A boarding status. If the Bolt Bus ticket collector has any sense of order, hierarchy, and justice... he will announce Class A to board first. Recently, a ticket collector announced Class A but then allowed a bunch of lowly Bs and Cs to board anyway, I had to push a C-er into a planter to quickly get my bags in the trunk so I can call dibs on my special seat. Which one is the special seat? and why is it so special? You may ask. Well, the best seats are the ones in the front.

The front seats are great! The benefits are (1) the panoramic view of the freeway! (2) no one reclines on you! (3)  the privilege to get off the bus first when the driver stops at the Burger King (or Roy Rogers, or Arby's)! and (4) extra leg room! However, being Class A does not always guarantee front seating because there may be many other Class A-ers rivaling for the special seats. Now, yes, there are FOUR front seats, but if either pair has an occupant, it is inappropriate to double up before all the other pairs on the bus have single occupants--by this rule, I have to be one of the first Class A-ers to board or one of the first Class C-ers. To increase my chances of reserving one of the four front seats, I shove when it is time to board. I have been told to "chill out", but what does a bus driver know about being on a bus for an extended period of time?

Think all the effort is over after I get one of the four front seats? Guess again. Now, it is time for me to protect the adjacent seat. Yes, I want TWO front seats for maximum comfort. To discourage people from sitting next to me, I put my backpack on the seat and take out all the books and folders, spreading everything all over the place everywhere. Then, I scowl to look dangerous.

Often, this does not work well. I tend to attract young Asian females who take one look at me and think, "oh, we have the Asian-connection, so it must be safe to sit next to her!" Sometimes they hover over me for a second, hoping I will look up and acknowledge them. I don't. Despite my busy demeanor, they dare to interrupt me with stupid questions like: "is anyone sitting here?" No, but my all my school books, notes, syllabi, and other things that appear like important business are; "do you mind if I sit here?" Yes, jerk; and the classic apology followed by an ellipse as they move toward the seat, "sorry..." Awful.

Think taking a bus is simple? You are wrong. It is full of strategic mind games and physical aggression. I am winning.