Sunday, December 5, 2010

Don't worry. I will make us both fat.

As some of you may know, Josh says some pretty stupid things like, "I do not put dressing on my salad", and "Catherine, macaroni and cheese from a box is not healthy", and "they don't carry the kind of yogurt I eat." Well, here is how I feel about it:

In the past year or so, I have overcompensated in an attempt to redeem myself from the obnoxious health-food-poseur lifestyle I once took so much pride in. Not too long ago, while chain smoking in college and standing up for animal rights, I use to say stuff like: "oh, there is cheese in here? Oh, no, I cannot eat that. I am vegan", and "it's organic!" and "quinoa". I am not sure what happened between then and now, but I have become a human garbage disposal and am slowly taking down my boyfriend with me.
For example, yesterday, while at Target I got tired from picking out ornaments and toilet paper, so I bought a delicious child's Red Icee. The consistency was perfect. Josh would never get off his high salad horse to order one for himself. However, after I purchased one he drank almost half! While he will never admit to liking it... I know he enjoyed every last corn syrup drop of the slush. He always "samples" the foods that he typically dismisses as "gross" when these things are on my plate. Sometimes he will groan about how terrible something is while eating the very item. I take great satisfaction in these moments.

Once home, I wanted to go to McDonald's because they were giving away Sanrio digital watches in the happy meals (I have always wanted a wrist watch!). Yep, Target and McDonald's in the same day, we are America! Josh gallantly volunteered  to eat my French fries and save me from the disaster that I was setting up for my digestive track.
Although he grimaced in each bite... looking into his eyes I saw a gleam more glittery than the ornaments we purchased the hour prior. Go on and continue eating your healthful foods, Joshy... I will slowly show you the dark side.

3 comments:

  1. I wonder if there is some kind of masculinity/gender article we can tease out of this post. I remember that my father would sit at the head of the table and finish all remnants of food off of my family's plates. Is this a "man" thing inextricable to strong feelings of "provider" complex imposed by our ideas of masculinity??

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  2. Huh, I never thought about it... but my father did the same things when we were kids. In our household everything had to be finished because there were kids starving in third-world countries--and meat definitely had to be finished because an animal died for it, so my dad took it up as his job. For Josh, it is because he never buys "junk food" for himself and feels less guilty eating mine... then again he still eats my non-junk leftovers--I have no idea, but you could be on to something, Cathy.

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  3. I remember your days of eating so damn healthy. Thank God you're out of the Vegan lifestyle. However, you've gone to the extreme end! No Good. I forbid you from feeding me any type of junk food while I'm in NY!!!! I will not join your dark side.

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