This Research Paper is Killing Me

I have been laboring over this research paper for days now and am going out-of-my-mind-bonkers. However, while real work has not been accomplished, I have been getting some business done online. I have made like fifty new facebook friends, read the newspaper (like the real newspaper, not just the most circulated articles), and quietly cried in my little work corner while watching that Susan Boyle sing "I dreamed a dream".

I think I will go follow up on that baby in Cambodia who smokes cigarettes now...